Tuesday, October 19, 2010

self-realization in english class

I am an angry person. I know this about myself. I have a tendency to call people idiots when I think they're being stupid. I will yell at someone when they do something that I don't like.

I used to think that I was angry because people just weren't mature enough to act as smart as I knew they could be. But recent events have changed my mind. I'm angrier as of late - I'm sure anyone who has spent a significant amount of time with me in the past month or so has noticed this. And I think it's because of my health shit.

I'm sure that people are tired of me talking about this, too. But I have to do it in order to get my stuff straight.

I'm getting angry at people because to some extent, I can control them. I can have a good reason to be angry at them. Because maybe they said something mean, or they weren't doing their work, or just something stupid that I shouldn't really care about. Whereas with my health, and my cough... There's no use in getting angry at myself. It just doesn't work as well. It never has. Being angry because I had cancer? There was no point. I still would have cancer, I still would have to get chemo, and I would still have to face the possibility of death. So I would get angry at the people who were acting the way I didn't want them too. And that's exactly what I'm doing now.

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