We'd rather make our children martyrs than murderers...

I wish my life worked out like it does in the novels I read. I wish that I could be in like with the guy I'm in like with and it would all work out, even though we run in separate social circles and he's the pot smoking bad boy my parents warned me about. I wish that I could be prettier than I am, so that boys would actually look at me and think that I would make a good girlfriend. I wish that I was out of high school already, and I wish that I was happy. People will say that life is like a book, compare sections of your life to chapters, but honestly, I don't see it. Most books have happy endings. Right now, I can't see anything in my life having a happy ending.

Take the boy that I'm currently in like with. Let's call him... Marco. Not even close to his real name, but I'm not divulging anything about this boy in this public a place, other than he's a boy. I honestly think that he could get it. You know,  it. Like, the reasons why I feel like I need to help everyone in the world, the whole "we're not immortal" thing, I feel like he could just get who I am. And I know that all girls feel like that about the boy they like, but honestly, it takes a lot for me to be able to say that. Honestly, I legitimately didn't think that any "normal" teenager here even thought about the stuff he does. And now, all I can do is look at him and think "Yeah, I like this boy. How do I make him notice me?" I mean, our school is forty fucking kids, he knows who I am, and we have conversations. But Marco is so not even in my social circle, and would probably never even take a second look at me. I'm not tiny or cute or pretty, I could stand to lose a few pounds, and I'm just... I'm not cool. I'm not saying any of this to be self-pitying, it's just how it is.

And then of course, on top of all this, I just found out on Tuesday night that my mom's boyfriend quit/lost his job. I'm not really sure which one it is. But either way, he's not going back to his job after school ends, [he's a vice principal] and is probably moving away. And then last night I find out that my mom is planning on moving with him, probably. To one of these places: Boston, Vermont, North Carolina, or Florida. I. Want. To. Kill. Someone. I'm not leaving the island before I graduate. I'll be a senior next year; there's no way I'm letting her uproot me. I have to graduate from the Charter School. They've seen me through everything, and I will move in with someone else here if I have to. I'm not leaving before I graduate. They can move whenever the hell they want, I've already got people who are telling me I could stay with them. Because leaving this place before I graduate isn't acceptable. Sure, I want to get the fuck off this island. But for college. I'm not going to graduate from some cock-and-bull high school where all they're about is getting the grade, I'm going to graduate from the school that helped me fight cancer. Twice.

That's my rant for now. I'm gonna go watch more of the Closer and talk to my friend Briana.

xo.

Please don't shoot me down cause I am an endangered species...

I love Weezer. And their new album. =W=!

So I'm still talking Sarah Lawrence's website. I can't help but just be infatuated with that college. I'm trying to get excited about other places, but I just can't. SLC just seems like such a good fit for me; all I want to do is go there. Maybe it'll change in a bit, but honestly. It just looks amazing. -collegegasms-

I totally love the roleplays I'm in on Polyvore right now. My favorite used to be Spotlight, but now I'm kinda getting into Pretty;Wild;Reckless. My character reminds me so much of myself, it's scary. Okay. Off to make roleplay sets.